I really hate it when someone tells you that they’re struggling with something, but yet, won’t give you any details as to what it is.  They just want your sympathy.

It bothers me not because I’m nosy and want to hear all the juicy details of their problems, and then feel better about my mundane life.   I like to think that it’s more because I’m a caring individual and want to lend a hand to help, and when you give me no details, I can’t help.  Ok, so maybe it’s a little from column A and a little from column B…but mostly B.  I promise.

So all of that to say, I am struggling with something in my life and I can’t write about any details.  I just need your sympathy.

I’m halfway kidding.  The truth is these past few weeks have been emotional in our house with lots of ups and downs and me on the verge of tears and not being able to control it.  Sounds fun, doesn’t it?

In short, our business is feeling the effects of this crummy economy.  We’ve had a lot of changes over the summer, and we’ve had to let some good guys go.  And that makes me sad.  Really sad.

Last week was particularly tough for me because I was about to lose my accounting clerk.  I already feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to do my job at work with also trying to manage the kids, house, and all that goes with them.  So when I would begin to think about doing my job plus his, along with the kids, house, and everything else, I could feel this panic slowly start to rise within me.  I didn’t know how I was physically going to get it all done.  I didn’t know where my kids were going to go while I was working more hours, and I didn’t know how long this was going to be the situation.  Six months, a year, two years?!

So I did what most females would do under pressure.  I broke down and had a good cry.  I cried for the guys that were already gone.  I cried for the uncertainty of the coming months.  I just let it flow.  I finally admitted I was fooling myself, that I couldn’t do it all, and that we needed another plan.

I started out last week concerned because I was going to be working more, and turns out, I will now be working less.  I’m not completely gone from MediaMerge, but we decided to cut my hours back considerably (along with my paycheck).  I felt a huge weight lifting off my shoulders with this decision, and I am so relieved that we found a way for our accounting clerk to stay with us.  I really couldn’t stand the thought of him joining so many other Americans on the unemployment line.

I try not to use this blog as a place I come to dump about all the things I am unhappy with in my life. When I read about our adventures, I want to remember the good moments and let the not-so-good ones fade away.  I think that’s why I haven’t posted much this summer.  Not because we haven’t had some great adventures, but because I’ve had a hard time seeing them through this the dark cloud that I can’t seem to shake.

I want to believe that the worst is behind us.  I mean, Ken already does.  He’s much better at being a cheerleader than I am.  I have more of a tendency to mope around like Eeyore until I can shake myself out of it.  

Although, my new work schedule has helped me have a better outlook about the upcoming months.  I am excited that I will have more time to spend with my kids and get to participate in some of the fun things that we couldn’t before because of my work schedule.  And as of last Saturday, I am officially a home-schooling mother.  In that, I have pulled Edie out of preschool and registered with a home-school cover school in our area.  We are already scheduled for some of those fun home-school field trips I’ve always heard about. 

We’re going to be okay.  I have no doubt.  God has provided for us up to this point, and I believe that He will continue to do so.  Even in the midst of my crummy week, I was overwelmed by my friends willingness to help, encouraging emails and texts, and even the response with wanting to help with my kids. 

In fact, Edie asked me the other day, “Mommy, are we rich?”

I couldn’t help but think about our current situation, our friends, our little family, and said, “Honey, more than you can comprehend.”